Right… I apologise sincerely in advance for any offence this may cause but I need to get it off my chest.
I was back at work today after a very enjoyable five days off from work and as if getting up in the freezing cold and having to leave the house to sit on the tube for an hour isn’t bad enough I was greeted by a new poster at Marylebone station. Now this wasn’t one of those nice adverts for holidays in the Ukraine or even some of that pretentious poetry on the underground that’s been popping up recently. It was a five foot tall picture of a Joseph Merrick lookalike. Now I’m really sorry but facial deformities scare me. I mean really scare me. I didn’t feel right all morning. It’s a feeling not unlike the one you got as a child when you watched the climax of The Fly when Jeff Goldblum’s head splits open to reveal the monster underneath or one of the Robocop goons meets his end by getting covered in toxic waste and partially melting.
I’m a bit scared now that I might run into this poster at other stations when I’m similarly unprepared… or even worse having it in front of me in a carriage when I have to travel from Balham to Edgeware… or opposite the platform blown up to about 20 feet high.
Everyone needs a phobia but I wish mine wasn’t so horrible to people that already must have a really shit time.